Ok, dont laugh.
I tried Kirstie Alleys new diet.
See? Youre laughing. And thinking, Girl, please. Fat Actress? I know. She who was unceremoniously dumped by Jenny Craig after regaining all that weight the second she stopped parading around in Spanx and swimsuits on Oprah. While I happen to think shes gorgeous at any size (also worth noting: you have not and never will see her having a bad hair day), youve got to admit that her weight fluctuations would burn even a yo-yo out. Still, I gave up Capn Crunch to go gluten free. I drank soup for a week on Gwyneth Paltrow's detox cleanse. Officially, I can do anything.
For her diet, Alley teamed up with Organic Liaison to create a plan that includes supplements, meal planning, and diet support. Theres even a community feature, so when you cant stand the thought of another no-sauce chicken dinner, you can crowdsource motivation. In a size 4 nutshell, this is essentially the organic version of Jenny Craig.
But theres a twist! In an apparent attempt to differentiate itself from Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig, Alleys plan promises not just to nudge your pudge, but rid your body of toxins. How? Via supplements. Lots and lots and lots of supplements. And heres what makes hers so very different:
Rescue Me: Design to help kick cravings. Taken daily.
Release Me: Basically a calcium tablet. Also daily.
Nightingale: Sleep aide packed with L-Tryptophan (yup, same stuff that zzzzs you out after turkey dinners). Popped nightly. .
Relieve Me: Two words on this bottle say it all: Colon and cleanse. .
Pagoda: Green tea supplement for that green tea burn. .
Im not one for taking scheduled pills. Not that I have problem with authority, man its more because I just dont remember. After a 10 day trial run, I took 7 days worth of pills, including an epic double-up day that turned my colon inside out and my urine neon orange. Sorry, former Cheers lady, but I cannot follow this capsule eating plan.
Apart from that, this isnt even a cheap plan. A months supply of just the first three is $62.50 but the first time kit costs $139. Theres also a $10 set up fee and $10 monthly fee for access to all those meal planners. Oh sure, youre still doing all the shopping, buying, and cooking but for $10 a month, someone tells you how to sauté that kale.
Not being much of a cook even when recipes are handed to me, and clearly not being one for pill poppin, for $159 all I did was crowd my spice rack with diet supplements. In fact, Im fairly certain all my original toxins are intact. And those toxins all feel like theyve been robbed. The only value to this plan is that along with your $10, you get access to Organic Liaisons fairly well populated database of organic retailers. But for this cash, Id stick to Googling organic grocers and ordering takeout.
I can work a takeout menu better than my microwave. And the stove? I kinda needed the storage. Still, Im a working girl trying to strike a better balance between healthy eating and real life, and there's got to be middle ground between pretending 4 martinis are a juice diet, and asking for quinoa at Mario Batali's newest hotspot. From raw food to juice fasts to macrobiotic to gluten-free, my gastrointestinal system will try on a number of different diets to see which one fits the budget, the lifestyle, and most importantly, the girl.
Got one I should try? Let me know!
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