"You can have either the Resurrection or you can have Liberace. But you can't have both." -Liberace (Negotiating billing with the Easter Show at Radio City Music Hall)
Almost as synonymous with Easter as the resurrection of Jesus are Peeps. You know them... the soft bird-like, lemon-colored marshmallows that fill the shelves of grocery and specialty stores this time of year. My family has oddball ideas of not only when to eat them but just how to eat them, too.
For instance, my sister in-law, Georgean, purchases them weeks before the "big day" and immediately removes the plastic wrapping to sacrifice the fleshy, squishy rows of chickadees to the drying fresh air. By simply abandoning them on top of her refrigerator, by Easter Sunday, her Peeps have cultivated a perfect fatal "crunch" when bitten into. Others in my family prefer to nuke the little birdies in the microwave for a few seconds -- watching in awe as they miraculously grow to five times their size, before collapsing into a hot, mushy, marshmallow puddle -- mmm!
Easter is a Spring day filled with miraculous and metaphorical delights. Traditions abound with a visitation by the mythical basket-carrying-door-to-door-hopping-bunny; decorating eggs; nibbling on the aforementioned spongy, sugar-coated birds (now sold in a rainbow of artificial colors); marching in parades and donning bonnets; munching on mountains of psychedelic jelly beans and foil-wrapped chocolates; mailboxes filled with both religious and sac-religious cards and armies of irritated babies outfitted in lacy finery and saggy tights.
And dead center in the eye of the "Easter Tornado" (right next to the risen sacrificial lamb), are bleary-eyed children ogling their heaps of Easter morning goodies, "jonesing" for their first major sugar fix since Halloween.
The season of Spring, much like Easter, returns year after year, bringing with it the eternal hope of rebirth and renewal. It breaks the winter's dreaded seclusion with joyous displays of softly colored daffodils, the shininess of lavender and white crocuses, and the delicacy of leafless trees filled with buds and blossoms. Spring's mystery includes the softening of the ground, and the awakening of the Earth from a season of slumber, while it also marks the return of birds and animals from their migrations and hibernation, filling the warming air with sound and movement. And, much like the resurrected Christ-figure, what was once cold and lifeless, now, too, appears fresh and once more full of life.
As spring miraculously sends up the first tender shoots of new grass, it does so just in time for Easter's main event -- across the country, on lawns everywhere, our littlest citizens romp, roll, crawl, run, and jump decked out in their Easter-best, searching for those tacky colored eggs. And while many get more than their share of those magical orbs and have zoned out on sugary snacks, all of them -- big and small -- get more than they or their parents bargained for --brand new outfits covered with nasty grass stains.
So at this holiest as well as happiest time of year, whether hunting for eggs or miraculously being resurrected -- youngster or Savior -- knees always take the brunt of our outside activities, anointing even the most innocent with an unmistakable "chlorophyll stigmata." So rather than cursing them simply remove unfortunate grass stains from just about any garment.
Begin by mixing one-third cup white vinegar and two-thirds cup water, applying the solution to the stain and blotting with a clean cloth. Repeat the process as needed and then wash as usual. (This is one miracle that works year-round, too!)
No matter if dressed in Godly-basics or Gap-baby, a grass stain is just a grass stain -- and never, ever a sin.
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