Hand Washing Done Right

"As the eagle was killed by the arrow winged with his own feather, so the hand of the world is wounded by its own skill." ~Helen Keller

With roughly 10% of the world admitting to being left-handed (yup...Helen Keller, too) and many ambidextrous people also considering themselves left-handed as well -- it seems that few folks are actually 100% left-handed.

Ya' see, completely left-handed people would mostly use the right side of their brains and totally right-handed people would primarily use the left side of their brains. OK, so that must mean that true left-handers never do anything right (with their right hands anyway) and yet technically they're the only people who are in their right mind. With me so far?

If you're not catching my drift, let's look at some famous Lefties (Wednesday was Left-Hander's Day, after all). First, there's the brilliant left-handed puppeteer, the late Jim Henson. He actually always kept his left hand free and it was his right hand that was up the backside of Kermit the frog, making his head and mouth move in such memorable ways.

Another "Lefty-Lucy" is the controversial televangelist, Pat Robertson (apparently also animated by an outside force making his head and mouth move in memorable ways). Left-handed Reverend Pat, however, imagines himself to be Christ's Right Hand Man, as well as Mr. "Right Wing," Mr. "Right Thinking," and Mr. "Right Leaning"...so many rights and still just plain-old-wrong.

Another upstanding left-hander is the politico (and Viagra spokesmodel) Bob Dole. Having lost the use of his right hand during World War II, ever the politician, Dole always holds a pen in his non-functioning right hand, thereby cleverly persuading folks to shake his fully functioning left hand instead.

Then there's the Renaissance Man of all Renaissance Men, Leonardo da Vinci, also a lefty -- well kinda'. Twenty years after painting "The Last Supper" with his right hand, the unsinkable Leonardo's right hand was suddenly paralyzed. And so he taught himself to paint equally brilliantly ("Saint John the Baptist," "Bacchus," and "The Virgin and Child with St. Anne") with his left hand for the last few years of his life.

And while left-handers were present in history and can now be seen all around us, like it or not, the world is really designed for right-handers. Take a look around - you'll find right-handed mugs, right-handed scissors, right-handed sports equipment, right-handed corkscrews...you name it.

And if right-handed ergonomics isn't bad enough, many countries (and religions no-less) suggest the use of one hand over the other for different daily purposes. In the Middle East, it is customary to use the left hand for cleaning one's "rudie-bits" after visiting the facilities and -- all-in-all -- for cleaning just about anything. The right hand, well...that's used for tidier and more refined stuff like eating and shaking hands.

I don't know about you, but I do tons with both of my hands even though I am ultimately a right-ie. My mitts aren't decorated with a Hindu's henna or an heirloom from Harry Winston...they're simple, hardworking hands. With them I clean like the dickens, string together the words that I'm known for, re-paint the walls of our home, sew on buttons, make beds, pet our dog, fold and sort laundry, drive screws, pull weeds and arrange flowers. Besides being handy (eh-hem) they also help me communicate by punctuating my words and the air around me with abstract yet necessary movements. Just like yours, my pair are part digits, part opposable thumbs, part palms, part nails and part wrists and they start where my arms end.

Whether you compose proclamations, harvest produce, prepare meals, play pianos, or put out fires, your hands are the most dexterous appendages you have. Hands are a great part of what separates us from other life forms -- that, and our ability to accessorize, of course! With our hands we sense the elements, and through touch we are able to assemble and react physically to the tactile world. We make manifest our dreams with our hands and likewise leave behind our fingerprints on the world. For good or for bad, hands have "had a hand in" raising up civilizations and then extinguishing them over and over again.

Left-brain or right-brain dominated, don't become a modern day Pontius Pilate or Lady Macbeth by letting your dirty digits get out of hand. Healthy hand washing is easy to learn and teach. Try the following, and it's "out damned spot!"

1. Always use warm water, partly filling a sink to save water.
2. Using soap and/or baking soda, rub your wet digits, palms and the backs of your hands for at least 20 seconds -- about the time it takes to sing "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" (in your head, please!).
3. For persistent stains, rub a cut lemon on the spots to lighten them.
4. Use a nailbrush to scrub caked-on dirt or paint and to clean the grime from under your fingernails.
5. Rinse well with fresh warm water, but don't forget to immediately turn off the tap.
6. Then just dry thoroughly.

Left-ie or Right-ie...whether you're "left" at the alter, waiting for "Mr. Left," out in "left" field, being "left" behind (as opposed to being right behind?), and a ba-zillion other sayings better "left" unsaid -- no matter how you look at it -- two clean hands are infinitely better than having two right...ummm...two left feet.