(Green) Swab Your Decks! It's Almost Talk Like a Pirate Day

"...if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates." ~ Mark Twain

Poop deck, port, prow, and starboard -- the briny deep, the reef below, fair winds, and sailing the seven seas...it's all in a day's work for an old sea-dog lookout -- spyglass in hand and perched high in his crow's nest -- keeping his eyes peeled for land.

"Ahoooy!" he cries to warn the worn Cap'n Sea-Legs. Thar in the distance -- small yet faint -- it grows out of the horizon -- a deserted island. "Land ho!", a fellow matey sounds.

The rounded mound of island appears through the mist as all hands on board catch site of sand, coral-filled turquoise water, swaying palms and a stranded couple on the beach -- all sun-scorched and in tatters -- a marooned Buccaneer and his lassie-wench. And in the mind of every scurvy dog on deck lies a pirate's fantasy of buried treasure, piles of pieces-of-eight, and the mother-lode -- a booty-filled chest of gold Doubloons. Oh, the thrill of plundering, robbing, and sacking along the Barbary Coast -- 'taint nothing like it, aye!

The adventure of pillage, however, happened rarely to those in search of excitement and, more often than not, the monotony and drudgery of ship-life was the norm. I can almost hear the lead Skipper saying "The bardom of da' open sea, frequent scarvy, the lack of grog-n-grub...me hearties...leaves any man -- pirate, thief or thug -- hankerin' for more. Sure...there's stuff to do on board. There's spyin' fur th' mother of all whales, polishin' me' sword, rowin', sailin', fightin', attackin' galleons, or watchin' some sad-sack traitor walk the plank. But -- shiver me timbers -- there's nothin' like swabbin' the decks."

Romanticized-adventuring-dirt-bag or not -- on the hearty day of September 19 (International Talk Like a Pirate Day) -- become a respectable yet daring, swashbuckling eco-pirate (Green-Beard? Maybe like this Green Pirate?) by sportin' a Tricorne hat, an eye-patch (covering just one of your peepers is sufficient) and a parrot on your shoulder to complete the look. Fully clad, commemorate the day by scrubbing your stairs, mopping your floors or swabbin' your own decks with something safe and sound...I'll bet me' last gold Doubloon they did.

Now me' maties -- begin by making a paste of baking soda and water to remove shoe and furniture scuffs on all kinds of flooring. Continue by adding one half of a cup of baking soda to a bucket of water to swab the deck -- uhm, I mean wash the floors. Mop with swarthy gusto, rinse and wipe dry.

Just 'cause it's Talk Like a Pirate Day doesn't mean you have to live like one. Unleash your inner Cap'n Bligh and "Git off yur sorry keester...ya' mangy scallywag." Make your personal bounty shipshape. Whether channeling smart Black Bart, becoming cunning Captain Kidd, or acting like bloodthirsty Blackbeard -- safely swabbin' your deck, linoleum, tile or wood flooring is never reason for a mutiny.... Arrgh.