humor

Jen Boulden and Heather Stephenson have a message this holiday season: turn off your Christmas lights when you're not using them! Otherwise you'll directly lead to an apocalyptic future for our children's children's children. That would earn us one mean hunk of (non-singing) coal.

The two pretty forces of nature behind the hit green website Ideal Bite (recently bought by Disney!) impart this festive message in a cute web video (below). The production values are high yet campy (again, Disney), and it's an entertaining watch. I love the Dargeresque depictions of our bleak dystopian future.

So turn off unneeded lights so we can have a Greenopian future instead, thank you very much. And listen to Jen and Heather rock out, Guitar Hero/Rock Band style. The song is quite catchy. (I think someone saw Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure recently too. RIP George Carlin.).

So Jen, you like younger men? O RLY. Next time you're in New York, call me. I don't have any holiday lights on.

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See Diana Kaye leading her Terressentials team in the fun, informative advocacy video/commercial below. (See lyrics here.) It reminds us of Smirnoff's Tea Partay crossed with Vermont's CO2 rappers.

Diana Kaye founded the Maryland-based natural body care products company Terressentials after she had been unsatisfied with the other offerings on the market. Kaye had been diagnosed with non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma at the young age of 29. Although she recovered after a long struggle that included a switch to organic food and natural products, as well as experimental chemotherapy, she was left highly sensitive to a wide range of chemicals.

When I did a story on her for E Magazine, Kaye told me, “As I began to research personal-care products, I realized that there were very few items I could safely use because of their synthetic ingredients, including those found in natural health stores. So I formed my own company with the goal of offering 100 percent natural body-care products that are as close to all-organic as possible.”

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When I saw this fantastic AP image by Murad Sezer on the venerable Christian Science Monitor, I thought of one thing: I Has a Bucket!.

Of course, this lovable walrus, Sara, doesn't have a bucket, or even a buckit. She is performing with her Russian trainer during a show at the newly opened Istanbul Dolphinarium in Istanbul, Turkey. While it's true walruses don't play instruments exactly in the wild -- much as chimps don't generally smoke cigars or rollerskate on their own -- many do argue that well-cared-for animals in captivity can help inspire conservation.

Sadly, wild walruses are seriously threatened by global warming.

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Once relegated to the likes of carnies and sailors, tattoos have exploded in popularity in recent years, and have thoroughly crossed over to the mainstream. Millions of ordinary Americans now have them, though it's probably also true that many thousands hide them from parents and bosses.

Though there is some concern that tattoo inks may be toxic -- and there is certainly some risk of getting disease from contaminated needles -- it's also true that many folks use the medium to convey their respect for nature, love of pets and animals, or communion with the natural world. URTH Guy is all about self expression, and we'd love to see your photos of green and animal-themed tattoos.

We appreciate the spirit behind (at least some) of these ink blots, although we're not quite sure about the execution. What do you think?

10. Gaudy Owl

Celebrity Tattoos put a great collection of wacky, weird and bad body art together, including disturbing art of Michael Jackson, Star Trek, various movie heroes (and anti-heroes), a coin slot, Mr. Cool Ice and more. The Mr. T is pretty amazing, but Pee Wee is beyond creepy. This owl is just too much.

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9. Smoking Dolphin

The funny folk at Asylum have combed through the recent book No Regrets: The Best Worst, & Most #$%*ing Ridiculous Tattoos Ever, and we are glad they did. According to the book this, um, dolphin was the result of a lost bet. The book author likes it. We think it's stupid. What do you think?

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8. Ugly Shark

The guys at Fishing Fury seem to appreciate this sailor-like tattoo of a shark on this burly guy's neck. We don't. It looks to us like something hastily inked in the dim, sweaty confines of a prison bathroom. Or in the hold of a Bigger Boat on a Jaws-hunting mission, after three quarts of Captain Morgan. Fishing Fury credits BME News with the image, which is full of adult content. By the way, that koi is pretty ugly too.

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7. Tattooed Pigs

Thanks to blogger Chase Lab for highlighting the interesting work of Belgian artist Wim Delvoye. His Art Farm project of tattooing pigs and people sure got us thinking. Are we supposed to wonder about the similarities between intelligent pigs and people, and how badly factory farms treat them? Or are we just supposed to marvel at some of their ugly ink. Hmm.

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Thanks to Banned in Hollywood -- the intrepid reporters who brought us detailed analysis of a questionable Disney Tarzan Toy -- I've now seen the creepiest Craigslist personal ad from a Green. Perhaps not Ever, but it's certainly Up There.

Dubbed "The Orient Express" by Banned is 22-year-old Perseus of Toronto, an engineering student who writes that he is a "dedicated Green party voter and staunchly opposed to the Conversative hordes dashing themselves against the impregnable Liberal/NDP/Green keep of our fine enlightened city."

It's true things are different in Canada.

We also know that young Perseus is fond of discussing the meaning of life over a glass of wine, gaming and "delving into the myriad artistic realities of anime (the origin of my affinity for Asian culture, which is frankly superior)."

We also know that Perseus likes Asian women. Only Asian women. Preferably of Japanese heritage, and who wear glasses, collect anime and have a "traditional ladies' education," whatever that is.

Oh, and be of petite build, but no "Paris Hilton bulimics," duh! See more here.

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Kurt Cobain may have been wrong: a British study suggests fish feel pain (big surprise, right?) -- and higher feelings remain a possibility. According to the global Emo movement, lots of animals already have deep, soulful feelings... at least two-dimensional macro animals.

Of course we still know very little about how other animals' brains actually work, so Douglas Adams or Neil Gaiman could still prove to be right, and it could turn out that dolphins, mice, rats or other species may actually be the wisest of us all. Until they decide to make their superiority obvious to us lesser beings, we'll have to try to figure out how to be the best stewards of the Earth on our own.

These days other species have a lot to be sad, and emo, about. New research suggests that plants even communicate with each other to warn of impending danger, and to earn a chance to fortify their natural defenses. But they can't effectively warn each other of wholesale conversion of habitat to urban, suburban and agricultural development. They can't warn themselves of global warming, sea level rise, industrial pollution or over-harvesting.

Under intense pressure, our oceans seem to be reverting to a primordial stew, and don't get me started on vanishing land wildlife and the fact that half of all primates are endangered (yum, bushmeat!).

Maybe these animals have a point:

10. Emo Shower Cat

You may have already seen our funniest green LOL cats. Now we present to you… Emo Shower Cat. It's true cats usually aren't big fans of water, though they do love seafood. Evolution's a bitch.

9. Emo Cat and Dog

It's nice to have friends. This adorable pair reminds us of Homeward Bound, only without Michael J. Fox and not cloyingly annoying. I had to watch 30 seconds of that movie to edit our list of best green movies for kids and I wanted to poke my eyes out with a blunt pencil. I can't believe I liked that as a kid.

8. Emo Gorilla

Great apes (don't call them monkeys people, please) have a lot to be depressed about. For one thing they haven't gotten over the murderous demise of their friend Diane Fossey. Oh, and they are tired of their babies being ripped out of their arms and sold to zoos, although they don't mind when kids throw them popcorn (don't tell their keepers I told you).

Mostly they don't like war, slash and burning or being made into still lifes.

7. Emo Gonzo

Like Eeyore, Gonzo is a pretty emo guy. We're really not sure what kind of, um, animal he is. But we think Jim Hansen was awesome. Thank you Wikimedia. You are awesome too.

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Worried about further damage to America's fragile fossil fuel infrastructure from the rest of the hurricane season? Visions of oil-soaked ducks and homeless polar bears keeping you up at night while Sarah Palin drills her rhetoric into the public?

Take heart! Politicians are working overtime to make sure no more oil tankers will be hastily joined together with cardboard, or staffed by a minimum of one crew member. Way back in the early 1990s, Aussie duo John Clarke and Brian Dawe let us know that everything is copasetic on the high seas.

While the biting satire specifically referred to an unfortunate incident off Western Australia in 1991, the sad truth is that many disastrous oil spills have happened since the infamous Exxon Valdez of 1989. If we increase our drilling and shipping of oil, we've got even more chances for accidents in the future.

Thanks for the link dad!

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As this oh-so-useful timeline of Internet memes shows, viral videos have long kept cubicle warriors smiling through their TPS reports and teenagers laughing all the way to MySpace. It's not all fun and games though: from Obama Girl to Tea Partay to OK Go, effective viral videos can shape elections, push millions of products and establish artists.

Short, catchy videos can also draw attention to causes and motivate people to action. Just ask The Nature Conservancy, or even TDG's own Glen, The Global Warming Groundhog.

While it can be debatable whether serious "mission" movies like Blood Diamond or thrillerized fare like The Day After Tomorrow really make an impact with viewers, history shows that humor — done well — can be a powerful force for social change. Think Jonathan Swift, Lenny Bruce and Shakespeare. Or arguably the good folk of JibJab.

You also might want to check out the new site Go Green Tube, which offsets a pound of carbon for each video viewed.

So here are the picks for the most viral green videos. Add yours in the comments, and tell us what you think of these selections!

Note: Several of these videos include strong language and adult themes, and are not suitable for children. Also note: the videos get funnier as you go down the list. So let the countdown begin...

10. Best Student Film – Save the Animal Crackers!

This video has great production values, and executes a smart, amusing concept really well. We didn't find it sidesplittingly hilarious, but it definitely makes an impact. Plus, we like the fact that it was made by college students.

The National Geographic Channel had asked college kids to create something for their Annual Preserve Our Planet Film + PSA Contest, with the theme “what you do counts.” This finalist is by Genna Duberstein of American University.

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Although some might argue that they have jumped the shark, lolcats seem to be everywhere these days, having spread far beyond the imageboard 4chan in 2005. They appear regularly all over the Internet, from social news sites to chumby ads, and have been covered in Time. Some 61% of the Bible has now been translated into lolspeak.

Although lolcats are based on animals (and the form of expression evolved beyond cats long ago, notably to a certain elephant seal), the heavily anthropomorphized images rarely relate directly to the natural world, beyond basic needs (om nom noming, looking for things to om nom nom, and so on) -- until now.

The new website Global Warming Hates Kittens takes the Internet phenom to new levels, with the tagline "Kittens are very concerned about climate change." The site encourages users to submit their cat photos, then links a humorous caption to legit info about the very real threat posed by climate change. (Course some might argue that they aren't true lolcats, since they don't have the text superimposed on the image, true macro style. That's why I took the liberty to combine their images and text via icanhascheezburger.com).

As an example, Global Warming Hates Kittens shows a placid scene of a cat relaxing above a gorgeous Venetian canal. The caption "Venice kitten sez: Global warmingz takes mai home" links to information about the dangers of sea level rise. The site will only be as good as the community of users, but it seems like a good way to get more people engaged in thinking about climate change, while having some fun.

In honor of Global Warming Hates Kittens, here's my list of the best "green" lolcats from the Net:

http://icanhascheezburger.com

1. May I Present to You… The Ocean

All kidding aside, the world's oceans are in serious jeopardy, from growing dead zones, overfishing, oil spills, floating plastic and much more, not to mention widespread disruption from global warming. The Earth is largely an aquatic planet, and the health of the oceans effect the health of us all.

2. gudbai beachez

Global Warming Hates Kittens links this adorable little trooper to a WWF report about the potentially devastating effects of worldwide sea level rise, which is expected to be as much as 5 mm per year over the next 100 years. That means disappearing nations in the Pacific, loss of crucial wetlands and rising floodwaters.

http://icanhascheezburger.com

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